With Head Held High
by chessvain
Summary: What if Kakashi stopped Sakumo from killing himself? now with the Hatake name still dishonored Kakashi is thrust into the thick of war at a younger age. how is he to survive when even his allies want him dead?
1. a fate avoided

Author's note: it's been hard to get information on exactly when the third war began and also when exactly Sakumo died. I ended up just picking a timeline that worked with the story I wanted to tell and I am sticking with it regardless if I missed something or other that says otherwise. Sakumo in the timeline I choose failed his mission around the time Kakashi graduated (at 5) and took about a year to decide to commit suicide just when Kakashi was promoted to chunin.

Also Kakashi hasn't and won't meet either Rin, Obito, or Minato for a good while into this story. As according to the wiki and the early info from the manga/databooks he graduated at 5 and became chunin at 6. Yet Obito who is the same age as him didn't graduate until he was 9 same with Rin. I am aware of Obito's memories/delusions showing him present at a chunin exam where Kakashi was present. I am choosing to interpret it one of three ways. Either 1. The chunin exam in question were for Rin and Obito and Kakashi participated as their teammate despite already being a chunin himself. 2. The chunin exams were the same as Obito's later memories that were clearly delusions. Or 3. The exams were actually the jonin exams and not the chunin after all. Regardless I am sticking with Kakashi having not meet any of his teammates (beyond seeing them briefly at the academy they certainly aren't friends) at this point it's not something I am going to change.

And for my final note before the story this story is very heavily inspired by "chasing a legend" by voiceofsummer some parts of the story are more inspired than others. If I get that far into the story I am sure a person how reads both stories won't have any problems determining what I am talking about. So yeah I very highly recommend "Chasing a legend" though a word of warning it ends rather abruptly as the author lost interest in continuing it. It does have an ending but some things are left unexplored that were clearly going to be fleshed out before it was decided to be discontinued. 

chapter one: A Fate avoided 

Kakashi Hatake grinned as he officially became a chunin "congratulations kashi" Sakumo said smiling though it seemed strained he looked more focused and clear headed than he had since shortly after that disastrous mission.

"Thanks father" Kakashi said smiling his smile was equally forced as he still wasn't sure what to think of the decision his father had made. "Some of my friends want to celebrate my advancement the ones that…" Kakashi trailed off as his thoughts turned to those former friends that didn't want anything to do with the child of the disgraced Sakumo. "I'll be back late ok?" Kakashi asked.

"Sure thing Kashi" Sakumo said using Kakashi's nickname. "And don't worry about your friends I'll take care of everything." With one last smile this one seemed genuine if rather sad Sakumo took his leave.

Kakashi frowned something telling him that something was wrong but as his friends swamped him he almost put it out of his mind and let them drag him off to some new food place to celebrate.

"Hey guys" he said as the group thinned out after a few minutes "I have to go check on something go on without me."

"What but this is your party it won't be the same without you" Genma protested.

"I'll just be a moment and I am sure Guy can celebrate in my place for a little while I'll catchup." Kakashi said as he un-entangled him self from the group.

"Yosh, if I can not then I will do 100 pull-ups with my pinkies."

"Don't be too long" Kurenai called

"I won't" Kakashi promised as he ran off. His thoughts already on his father's strange words what had he meant, he'd take care of it, what did he plan to do? A nameless dread settled in Kakashi's stomach and he ran faster to his house.

His sense of urgency grew greater the longer it took to arrive by the time he reached the Hatake's compound little more than a single building he was so scared that he burst into the house with out slowing. "Father" he called desperately "Father" he called again.

"Kakashi" his father appeared from his study "What are you doing here?" he asked alarmed probably because of the desperation that still hadn't left Kakashi's face.

Kakashi sighed in relief father was fine and why shouldn't he be? Kakashi felt like laughing he'd been so scared and there had been no need.

"You shouldn't be here" Sakumo said and for the first kakashi noticed that rather than calming down as Kakashi had Sakumo was just getting more agitated and he hadn't looked directly at him since he had first arrived. Once again unease settled into Kakashi "why? Father what's wrong" Kakashi asked

"You shouldn't be here." Sakumo said again as if Kakashi hadn't spoken "you shouldn't have to see."

"See what" Kakashi asked again his fear making him breathless

"Its better this way Kashi its better" Sakumo murmured gazing at Kakashi for the first time and his eyes glinted in resolve. "You need to go" Sakumo said before tuning and reentering his study.

Kakashi followed him into the study easily as his father hadn't bothered to close the door his whole body quivering with that same nameless dread that had pulled him here. His father had never been the same since that mission which was part of why he had such a hard time knowing how to act toward him but some how he knew he mustn't leave.

His father's desk usually so clean was full of crumpled papers that had to be rejected drafts of some letter and one piece of paper that seemed finished. His father was looking of into space as he often did seeming to contemplate the various weapons hanging on the wall perhaps remembering past battles.

It went against everything his father had told him but Kakashi found himself being drawn to his fathers desk he felt sure, without knowing how he knew, that the desk and the finished letter had the answers to his fathers behavior and his own fears that were making it so hard to breath.

As he finally came close enough to read it with his eyes Kakashi gasped and his blood ran cold as he realized what he was seeing. For what felt like a long moment Kakashi felt frozen as his fear suddenly had a name. Then the scrape of metal against metal broke his shock as he spun around.

"Father no" Kakashi screamed

His father finished pulling a tanto from the wall turning to face him with determination hard in his eyes. "Go" he said than he moved to kneel in the center of the room he didn't move fast but without hesitation and as unstoppable for the 6 year old newly made chuunin as the rising of the sun in the morning. Kakashi's was frozen he couldn't stop it how could he? His father was faster stronger and better than him in every way and once he decided on a course of action he was unstoppable.

But they didn't call Kakashi a genius for nothing as his mind hit on a way perhaps the only way. "Alright than father than I'll follow you" Kakashi said forcing calm into his voice and a resolve that could match his father he drew a kunai.

His father looked up surprised pausing just before he would have plunged the blade into his stomach.

"What?" Sakumo asked confused.

"I am going to follow you into death father."

"What are you talking about don't be stupid." Sakumo yelled angry.

"You don't be stupid you want to clear your honor than I will too." Kakashi replied trying to sound firm.

Could he do it? He wondered could he really follow his father into suicide if his father died what would be the point of dying as well. It wouldn't stop his father from being dead and who knew how the next life worked or if they would even be together. If his father hadn't been shaken from that mission he would have probably called Kakashi's bluff and noticed his lack of resolve he was trying to hide. But if he hadn't been shaken he'd probably never of considered suicide in the first place or so Kakashi hoped.

"I won't let you it's my dishonor you haven't done anything." Sakumo yelled

"You can't stop me if you're dead." Kakashi yelled back panting his grip on the kunai tightened "and I have dishonored myself I have let myself doubt you father as your son it was my responsibility to be there for you and I failed."

"Kakashi" Sakumo said quietly "I am doing this for you, my mistakes shouldn't hold you back." His grip on the tanto tightened and Kakashi placed his kunai to his own throat. For a moment they both held their pose so motionless they might have been carved of granite.

"if you do this not only will your mistakes hold me back but you'll never be able to make it right again." Kakashi licked his lips this was it the next few seconds would decide the matter for sure, he knew his father wasn't one to be conflicted for long, his next words might make all the difference for good or ill. Yet he didn't have the words a genius he might have been but he at the moment he felt how short his life had been "I'd rather live with a mistake you can fix than one you can't"

"I can't fix the other mistake in the village's eyes." Sakumo cried "they won't ever forgive or forget as long as I am still alive. And they will turn their hatred on you."

"Then let me take their hatred you can fix it in my eyes please that all I need father." Kakashi begged. Sakumo looked at Kakashi for a long moment and then with a loud yell threw his tanto to the side. In the next moment Kakashi wasn't sure what exactly happened but his father was hugging him and he was no longer holding his kunai.


	2. deadly transfer

_Dear father_

_I already miss you more than I can say. How are you? I hope the village is doing well and all my friends from the academy. It's lonely out here no one wants to be friends but it's not so bad other than being bored out of my mind. Every day is the same routine we rise early and patrols are sent out if I am not selected for patrols than drills and training are the order of the day. If I am selected for patrols than I can look forward to a full day of running, running, and more running broken up by periods of looking. I know, I know keeping watch for infiltrators and invasions from the land of water is an important task doesn't make it any less boring though. Nothing ever happens here and I have yet to see any sign that we are at war. I guess I should count myself lucky. I hope your well and I hear from you soon._

_Love Kakashi_

Kakashi stared up at the outpost on the eastern side of fire country placed on a cliff where it could overlook two beaches either of which could be ideal landing spots for an invading army. The outpost it's self wasn't much to look at from this distance. Just a sloppily made earthen wall surrounding a large area and a single watch tower rising above it.

But Kakashi supposed it would have to be home for now. It was hard for him to believe that it had only been a couple of week since he had stopped his father from killing himself. A few days since he had left his real home to come here and fight in the village's war until the sting of his clans dishonor had lessened in his superiors eyes. Kakashi tried not to think about how long that could take. It could have been worse there was worry that the land of water would attempt to invade the eastern border, like they were currently doing in tea country, but for the moment a worry was all it was.

A small village of tents came into view as Kakashi made his way into the outpost and he paused, a moment to get oriented with the base layout, as he headed to the command tent to check in his mind wandered back to a week ago when his life changed forever.

_**The anbu had arrived almost immediately after Sakumo decided to live, too quickly to be a coincidence. Clearly they had been watching for the outcome before making their presence known. 'They would have just watched as my father bleed out would they have even cared?' Kakashi wondered. **_

"_**Sakumo if you aren't indisposed" one of the anbu stated disapprovingly "Lord Danzo wishes your immediate presence." It was clear from the anbu's tone that he had very much hoped to find Sakumo indisposed or worse. And it was all Kakashi could do to not lash out he had never hated another person the way he hated that anbu at that moment. **_

_**Kakashi didn't know exactly what Danzo said to his father or how the Hokage got involved but the next few days seem to be one large meeting where his father, Danzo, and the Hokage took turns arguing with each other. Broken up by small periods of rest which the two Hatakes would by unspoken mutual agreement spend together.**_

_**He never did go to his graduation party refusing to leave his father side even when he went to meetings unless specifically ordered to by the Hokage or Danzo. An order Danzo had been all too happy to give whenever possible. Fortunately the Hokage seemed to go out of his way to override Danzo in this even ordering his presence at times when he had little business being there. **_

_**Eventually the meetings boiled down a stalemate. Danzo insisted that the Hatake clan couldn't be allowed to be dishonorable and receive the village's protection or blessing. But refused to allow Sakumo any chance to redeem himself short of an honorable death either by seppuku or suicide missions. While Sakumo argued to be allowed to remain with in the village until a chance to redeem the Hatake's honor could be found. With the Hokage stuck in the middle **_

_**In the end Kakashi was sent to the eastern border post were there was little chance of fighting and Sakumo was allowed to stay with in the village without censure at least that was the how the Hokage hoped it would go.**_

"Hatake" The word spat like a poison snapped Kakashi from his thoughts on the past "The commander is looking for you try not to keep him waiting." The shinobi glared at him as he quickened his pace clearly wanting to say more.

"Finally" the commander snapped as soon as Kakashi entered the tent as if he had been kept waiting and Kakashi hadn't arrived earlier than scheduled. There were three other shinobi present. Two stood at attention glaring at him as if he had personally affronted them somehow. The third appeared to be trying to trace the outline of the various clouds with her finger.

The commander was short for a grown man though at 5 foot 6 inches he still tower over Kakashi and seemed to enjoy the chance to use his height to intimidate.

"Nakamaru your last teammate has finally arrived head out immediately." The commander smirked.

The youngest of the three other shinobi present straightened seeming to notice Kakashi for the first time "Oh, so he has you heard the Commander move out."

Kakashi blinked he had just got here and it was already late in the afternoon 'What the hell is going on' Kakashi wondered surely they didn't expect him to leave already. But his newly assigned team was already moving and they didn't show any signs of wanting to wait for him. So after a moment's hesitation he leap after them.

"How slow, even a baby should be able to keep up better."

"What's wrong with you Hatake, we just barely started, how are you already tired?"

"Pathetic, didn't your father teach you not to slow others down?"

'My new teammates hate me' Kakashi thought they hadn't missed an opportunity to insult him or complain about his speed.

The team had kept up a brutal pace and Kakashi tried to keep up he really did but he'd spent the whole day traveling and after the second time he stumbled the team leader decided to stop for the night.

With the camp setup, Kakashi finally had a chance to get a feel for his new team. The team leader appeared to be the next youngest, other than Kakashi, on the team at about 12 years old. She had shoulder length black hair. Her blue eyes gleamed with malicious intent and she tended to grin too widely giving her a insane appearance. Every comment she made was mocking though she at least spread her abuse among the whole team rather than focusing on Kakashi like the other two did.

One of his other teammates wore a chunin's vest. Kakashi estimated that he was 14. He had spiky blonde hair. His eyes were covered by dark sunglasses and he wore a perpetual smirk as if the world revolved around him.

The last team member dark haired with forgettable features was the oldest and appeared to be an adult and still a genin. Normally an untalented shinobi like that would have been assigned to a permanent position in the village doing menial jobs no one else wanted to do. But with the war picking up he supposed an out of the way outpost was the best they could do.

Kakashi hesitated his teammates were currently ignoring him and he was loathed to draw the scathing remarks he was sure his question would cause.

"So what is the mission?" Kakashi finally decided that knowing the answer was important enough to risk it. A chill raced its way down his spine as his teammates smiled back at him with malicious glee.

"Well" the team leader smirked "there's the mission and the **mission. **The mission is to patrol the outposts along the coast. While the **mission **is to escort you to the drop off point for your transfer to the land of tea."

Kakashi froze he knew his eyes reflected his sheer terror but he couldn't help it. Because he had heard of the land of tea, it was a deathtrap pure and simple, with the highest mortality rate of any battlefield in the war and it wasn't close. The assignment that Danzo had favored and the Hokage and his father had shut down. Only it appears they hadn't and Kakashi couldn't help but feel stupid of course Danzo wouldn't have let himself been overridden so easily.

Kakashi opened his mouth but nothing came out he swallowed and tried again "th-that's"

"A death sentence" the team leader said with a smile though Kakashi noticed for the first time that the smile didn't reach her eyes the way it had when she was tormenting the other members of her team or as it had earlier in the day.

"Good riddance." The Genin scowled.

"What a cruel thing to say to a six year old how do you sleep at night Isshin?" now the team leaders eyes once again lit up in malicious delight.

"Having two soft pillows helps." Isshin replied with a meaningful look back at Jin who smirked.

"You should talk Jin" the other teammate remarked "you and your father have said much worse we should be asking you how you sleep at night." The other teammate remarked.

"Oh, we don't sleep we get our energy from the tears of babies." Jin grinned watching Kakashi with wide delighted eyes.

"I am not a baby" Kakashi scowled.

"Then why are you crying?" Jin asked grinning

"I am not crying." Kakashi insisted

"Look at him Keigo he totally is , man what a baby." Isshin the genin laughed.

"Adults are supposed to outgrow immaturity." Kakashi glared at Isshin who flushed as Jin snickered loudly.

"Shnobi aren't supposed to cry baby." Isshin hissed

"Don't let him get to you Isshin we'll be rid of him soon enough and he'll be on his way to the land of tea" Keigo stretched

It was just too much and Kakashi couldn't take it anymore. As tears came to his eyes he decided he hated his teammates.

"Well I have had enough tears for the night goodnight everyone." Jin said with a bow before heading to her tent.

Everyone but Kakashi muttered a goodnight and quickly turned in.


End file.
